Are women justified in de‑centering and distrusting men in their lives?

What patriarchy really is

Patriarchal systems give men structural power over women in the home, economy, and law, while also demanding that men constantly prove their dominance. Patriarchy is not just “individual bad men”; it is a whole set of rules, rewards, and punishments that keep male authority centered and women’s needs and safety negotiable.

Why patriarchy was built

Women are innately and profoundly powerful—socially, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, energetically, creatively—and that power has always been both desired and feared. If women were not powerful, men would never have needed to build and maintain an entire patriarchal system designed to control, diminish, and exploit that power for their own elevation.

From patriarchy to misogyny and violence

When that male dominance feels threatened—by women’s independence, income, boundaries, or refusal—some men turn to psychological, physical, and sexual violence to “correct” the imbalance and reassert control. 

Globally, nearly 1 in 3 women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence, usually from an intimate partner, and a 2025 UN report estimates about 50,000 women and girls were killed by intimate partners or family members in 2024 alone, roughly one every 10 minutes. Over the past 20 years, that “one in three” prevalence has barely budged: WHO and UN analyses of data from more than 160 countries find that rates of intimate partner and sexual violence against women have remained largely unchanged since 2000, with an average decline of only about 0.2% per year. UNODC femicide briefs likewise show that the annual number of women and girls killed by partners or family has stayed in the tens of thousands worldwide, with small fluctuations driven more by better data coverage than by real, sustained reductions in lethal violence.[1]

Male insecurity, a sense of not being “enough” as a man, and fear of a power shift are not side notes; they are major accelerants of violence against women. Men who feel their (perceived) masculinity is threatened—by unemployment, being out‑earned by a partner, sexual rejection, or perceived disrespect—show higher risk of perpetrating intimate partner violence and sexual coercion, not because violence is “natural,” but because many are socialized to translate shame and fear into rage and control rather than reflection or repair.

Violence against women is more often a reaction to male fragility, diminished emotional intelligence, lack of self-awareness, not male strength—it’s a desperate attempt to cover over insecurity and insufficiency with domination. The more patriarchy tells men their worth depends on controlling women, the more any sign of women’s autonomy feels like a threat to be beaten (literally) back instead of a reality to grow and thrive with.

How patriarchy destroys men too

Patriarchal systems give men structural power over women while demanding that men constantly prove their dominance, and the burden of maintaining that perceived dominance prevents many men from ever feeling truly safe and loved. Patriarchy harms men by tying their worth to dominance, control, and emotional hardness, corroding their mental health, relationships, and sense of self even as it grants them undeserved privilege.

Patriarchal masculinity teaches boys that sadness, fear, or tenderness are shameful and rewards stoicism and anger instead, which is linked to higher rates of anxiety, depression, substance use, and suicide among men. Men are pressured to “prove” their manhood through dominance, sexual conquest, risk‑taking, and control, making their identity feel fragile and always at risk of being revoked, so everyday life becomes an exhausting test instead of a place of rest.

Every human needs a space to feel safe being vulnerable so we can truly rest and repair.

Traditional masculine norms tell men to ignore pain, avoid doctors, and “tough out” distress, which worsens physical and psychological health and keeps them away from therapy or support until problems explode into crises, addiction, or self‑harm. When power is equated with control, many men struggle with mutually vulnerable, egalitarian relationships, leaving them lonely even inside families that depend on them and reinforcing the belief that they are valued for what they provide (financial), not who they are.

Patriarchy also sells men a narrow, costly life script—strong financial provider, winner, protector (we need to expand this definition)—that sidelines nurturing, caregiving, creativity, and interdependence. That script cuts men off from being present fathers, tender friends, and cared‑for partners, and from a fuller, more secure experience of love that does not depend on dominance or performance.

Misogyny vs. misandry

Many women are responding to pervasive male violence, entitlement, and institutional neglect with anger, distrust, and generalized negative attitudes toward men—what often gets labeled misandry. That “I don’t trust men” stance frequently functions as self‑protection in a world where male partners, family members, and strangers statistically pose the highest risk of violence to women.  (Read that sentence again)

Misogyny is backed by patriarchy: it is embedded in law, religion, workplace norms, media, and economic and geopolitical structures, giving men collective power to police, punish, and exploit women. Misandry, by contrast, is primarily attitudinal—resentment, harsh generalizations, or social exclusion of men—but it lacks a matching global system that systematically denies men basic rights, safety, or economic opportunity.

Being blocked from women’s time, bodies, or attention is not oppression; being blocked from control over one’s own body is. Prejudice against men can be real and harmful, but misogyny is a global system that kills, controls, and economically exploits women at scale in a way misandry simply does not.

Apex: Are women justified in de‑centering men?

Given the reality of normalized male violence, structural sexism, and the way patriarchy trains men to see women’s power as a threat, many women’s distrust is not irrational hatred; it is pattern recognition. De‑centering men—in politics, relationships, work, and emotional life—can be a survival strategy in systems where male comfort has long outweighed women’s safety.

At the same time, patriarchy is harming men, too, by trapping them in roles that demand control instead of connection, performance instead of authenticity, and power instead of partnership. The task is not to convince women to re-center men, but to ask what kind of manhood, and what kind of shared humanity, would actually be worthy of women’s trust.

Conclusion: What change requires

FOR MEN:

• • Learn to name and feel emotions without shame and seek therapy or support rather than numbing or control.
  • Reject dominance as a measure of worth; build identities around care, reciprocity, accountability, and curiosity instead.
  • Interrupt misogynistic behavior in other men and treat women’s boundaries and autonomy as non‑negotiable, not personal insults.
  • Redefine “Provider” Learn More

FOR WOMEN:

• • Trust your perceptions, boundaries, and survival instincts; de‑centering men can be a healthy response to unsafe systems.
  • Differentiate between holding men collectively accountable and closing off the possibility of relationships with men who actively reject patriarchal scripts.

FOR ALL OF US:

• • Challenge institutions—laws, workplaces, schools, media—that normalize male dominance and excuse male violence.
  • Support new models of masculinity that honor emotional literacy, equality with women, and a vision of power rooted in mutual flourishing instead of control.

The question is not simply whether women are justified in distrusting men, but whether men and societies are willing to dismantle patriarchy, so trust becomes genuinely possible.

[1] https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women