Erotica VS Porn – Can You Tell the Difference?
Erotica is in the mind of the viewer.
We are sexual beings, and we are drawn to all things sexy. That is why the pornography industry has larger revenues than Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo, Apple and Netflix combined, yet appreciation for porn is not universal.
The creators are catching on that primary decision makers about family spending are women. The pornography industry has been working hard (pun intended) to create a variety of erotic entertainment sources appealing to more than the young male needing a quick release.
Women and couples are a rapidly growing voice in the porn creators’ ears.
The needs of women have been largely neglected until recent years. It’s easy to access copious amounts of graphic porn, yet women are often unsatisfied by what they find. Fortunately, that is getting easier now with the rapidly increasing numbers of women erotica creators. They are listening and providing some amazing content!
Check out a friend of mine in the industry who turns erotic novels into erotic films!
Kay Brandt
Kay’s Amazon. Kay’s Instagram
Pornhub’s annual report for 2021
Women are searching for something. Don’t let us fool you.
35% of all internet downloads are related to pornography and one third of those are by women, and the porn viewing audience mostly treats it like a coffee break, a brief time-out from daily hassles.
Some research even suggests that porn use may help stem sexual offenses, promote a greater understanding of sexual diversity, and help people better access their own desires and sexuality—which they can then communicate to their partners. It stimulates fantasy and while not education per se, it can create curiosity to explore with a consensual, loving, curious partner.
Do women want something different from men?
The women I’ve spoken with over the years have been frustrated by the lack of intrigue, story, and creativity. More so, they want to see women owning and experiencing real pleasure and guiding their partner on how to please them. We want to see real women have real orgasms and pleasure.
Having characters we can identify with draws us in so we can relate to the dilemmas, sensations, desires, and experience. Male focused porn is what he is doing to her or getting her to do to him. Female focused is on pleasure, fun, connection, and fulfilling fantasy.
Women in their day-to-day lives too often get sex done to them, not with them, or for them. The Orgasm Gap is real!
Women want more!
Surveys shows us that women crave more stimulation along the lines of erotica. When I raise the topic, many people (especially men) do not differentiate between erotica and porn.
Erotica can also leave something to the imagination.
Humans are visual and auditory creatures. At minimum, we want the voice to match the expressions. Many women desire the additional mental stimulation, or erotic story, leading up to the physical experience. We crave a more erotic connection between our mind and body.
Think “9½ Weeks,” “Eyes Wide Shut”, 50-Shades, type movies. They get your pulse going and your mind wanting to know and see more. It’s OK to leave us wanting to see more. Partners? You can pick up where the art leaves off.
Erotica moves us, creates a reaction, sensual tension, and leaves a lasting impression. We will think about it long after it’s over. We will remember it as though we experienced it; that is because it created an experience within. Erotic art holds your gaze longer, increased urge to explore and aids in our fantasies. We will try to peer around corners or bump our nose to the screen to see what is just out of view. Pornographic (vs erotic) art exposes everything leaving no need to peer or wonder. Again, both have their place and effect, but they are vastly different effects.
My admonition to the film and art makers is to get into the minds of more women and couples, the primary people spending the cash these days, and see what turns us on and brings us back. If you can stimulate our minds, touch our hearts and stir our bodies, you will have loyal fans. When we are moved, we will share. At our next girl’s night out, or women’s get away trip, we will share what we have discovered. Word of mouth is still the most powerful of all advertising.
While some people are comfortable with their use of porn, it can be a deep source of distress for others, both male and female, who report feeling confused, embarrassed, conflicted, or ashamed about their own use, even if it is relatively minimal in frequency. Experts widely agree that someone’s use of porn is a problem if he or she believes it is, and that such a belief is largely determined by one’s religious, familial, or cultural values.
Please understand that mental health clinicians are not all equally trained or educated in the field of human sexuality, sexual norms, bias, proclivities, etc. Sadly, this creates opportunity for clinicians who are only informed by their personal beliefs and biases, to misdiagnose certain sexual behaviors they disapprove of as disorders.
I’m not anti-porn.
It has purpose as a form of entertainment and conversation stimulation between couples.
I have genuine concern that it’s too often used in lieu of comprehensive, honest, pleasure based, open minded, sexual health/sexual behavior education. When it’s the only sex-ed teens around the world are receiving, I’m alerted. This can lead to disastrous sexual experiences when they attempt to emulate what they see on the screen with their inexperienced sex partners. Porn also isn’t consistent with safer sex practices, not a stellar example to set.
We need to accept that kids and teens will seek to satisfy a very natural curiosity and information via porn, so as parents we must keep the lines of communication open and honest, without judgment or shame, to help our kids navigate this tender area of their lives towards a healthy self-image, self-respect, and a pleasure based safest sex practice.
We all desire living our sexiest, most vibrant life. When we touch upon things that get our juices flowing, the sex goddess within will awaken and we are energized by her. Embrace her. Tease her. Celebrate her. Whether it be through porn, erotica, music, dancing, etc., find what turns you on to life and turn up the volume!
Life is short. Keep it fun! This, my sexy friends, is what living our best designer lives is all about!
A good source about Porn and Healthy use–> https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/pornography
Intimately Yours, Dr. Nancy
Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce RN,DHS , International Speaker, Health & Intimacy Expert, and the Founding director of Conscious Living Yoga™ & Conscious Living Sexuality™.
You can also find her every Thursday 5-6pm PT Co-Hosting The Wild Women With Wine Show on Instagram. You can reach Dr. Nancy at DrNancy@DrNSP.com with your comments or questions.
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