Single Men & The Lifestyle

Single Men in The Lifestyle &/or at Hedonism

This article was written someone who wishes to remain anonymous.  We thought it was both informative, and funny, and decided to share it.

Warning: If you are easily offended, please do not read this article.  The original author was known for “keeping it real”

By “T”
“I am going to give you single guys the real scoop! No beating around the bush, and I am NOT going to attempt to NOT hurt anyone’s feelings. I am just going to lay it out there for you. If you are a single guy in the lifestyle, and you are not getting any action, you are doing something wrong!”

“I was a single guy in the Lifestyle, and I am average looking at best and my calendar was full! We hear all the time ” XXXXXXXX is not single male friendly, I am leaving”. So, I check out the profile, and there is a picture of an overweight guy, sitting at his computer, with a little dick, a big mess of hair jerking off, with a stupid look on his face!  Yeah…I am sure it is XXXXXXXXX’s fault that this guy is not getting any action! You must understand that most couples will party with single men, however, there is a stigma attached to it.  So, you have to keep it on the down low and approach them in the right way.”

  1. If you are 60 years old and you think you are going to pick up a 25 year old hot girl on a Lifestyle site, unless you drive a Ferrari, have a big ass boat, and a house in South Beach, do not even bother reading on. Either keep your profile to look at pictures or cancel it and move on. I cannot help you.
  2. If you are overweight and out of shape, the chances of getting a hot girl are VERY slim. Either lower your standards or go the gym and eat more salad. I am not trying to be mean; I have packed on a few extra lbs. the last few years myself. But this is a fact. There are some great looking guys out there that work out every day and have great physics. Why would a girl want to have sex with you rather than them? You say you are a nice guy with a charming personality? That’s nice, but that is why they have husbands and boyfriends. They want to get fucked well. That’s it. You are not going to enter the Daytona 500 in a Caravan. If you do you will look like an ass.
  3. I know you want to meet a nice single girl. Well it is possible, I actually met XXX in the Lifestyle, but it is HIGHLY unlikely. If that is what you are looking for, I suggest you join a regular dating site, find the wildest girl you can, then get her into the Lifestyle!
  4. Shave your balls!Stop Laughing. Really… Shave your junk! 1. It makes your dick look bigger 2. It is just plain rude not to! Go ahead, do it now!
  5. Dick pics. There is nothing I hate worse than getting up every morning to approve a hundred dick pics. Come on guys! It is just ridiculous. No one wants to see that. People just think you are a great big perv when they see that. Are there exceptions? Yes. If you have a huge dick, I mean huge – over 9, then by all mean put up a couple of cock shots. I am sure you will get some action. But if you are an average guy, keep it in your pants until its time to use it!
  6. Profile Photos. Put some photos of you having a good time with friends- maybe taking part in some sort of sport, traveling, etc., or maybe a pic with a hot girl. Other women will think “mmm. if he is good enough for her, he is good enough for me!” Not a porn star at AVN, just a regular hot girl. For God sake no pics of you sitting in front of your computer staring into the camera! Those are the worst.
  7. Dress nice guys. Better to over dress than under dress. A nice pair of slacks, and a nice shirt, or a cool pair of jeans and a modern shirt will do fine. No Dockers and polo shirts, women will think you are boring and that you have not been out in the last 20 years. No ratty jeans or T-shirts. If I have to explain why this is a bad Idea you are a lost cause. No tweed coats with patches on the sleeves! Seriously, go out spend a few hundred bucks. You have to look nice; there is a lot of competition out there.
  8. No stupid screen names about how good you are orally. Please do not mention how big your tongue is in your profile. You think ” man the ladies are going to love this!! They love getting the oral, they are going to be HOT HOT HOT when they read this!” No dude, they are not going to be hot hot hot, they are going to think. “Mmm, he talks about oral so much, I bet he as a small dick.” You know why they will think that? Because they are probably right. No point in drawing attention to it.
  9. Never ever get drunk. 1. You act like an ass. 2. Your shit will not work… Enough said.
  10. Smoking in my opinion is a bad idea. I know for XXX is a deal breaker. It is up there with bad breath and rat tails. Some people will not mind, however, no one is going to say “I would love to have sex with that guy, if he only smoked!” Play it safe, and don’t smoke. On top of that it gives you bad breath, and baked bean teeth, but this is only my opinion.
  11. If you see a couple with a hot girl, always, I mean always approached the guy first and introduce yourself. Compliment his wife to him, and then introduce yourself to her. This is the toughest part. If you act like you are getting his permission, she may be offended. She may thing “Who does he think he is? If he wants to talk to me he should talk to me!” Then again, if you ignore him he may shut you down before you get started. I would hang back, observe the situation and tread lightly. This first contact is critical.
  12. If things are going well, don’t be shy. Ask her to dance, ask if you can touch her, ask if you can kiss her; don’t just do it. Consent is everything!  XXX calls this “respectfully aggressive”. If you touch her in front of her guy, he will know that you are up front and not trying to do anything behind his back. I would then compliment him again “you are a lucky guy”, “man she can dance” etc.
  13. Never ever approach a girl as soon as her guy walks away. This is a big NO. If it happens by accident, as soon as the guy comes back, be sure to shake his hand and introduce yourself.
  14. If a girl approaches you, first thing I would ask is “Who are you here with?”If she is there with someone, ask her to introduce you. You can make big point doing this! If she is alone, you have just found the mythical Unicorn, it is your lucky night!
  15. Never tell anyone who you partied with. Like I stated in my opening statement, there is a stigma attached to partying with single men. If you are good, girls will tell each other. The word will get around. They will also know that you can keep your mouth shut. This is a key!
  16. Participate in blogs and chats on on-line sites. Talk about something interesting, but not controversial. No Religion or Politics.
  17. If you go to a club, don’t just stand there like a fool. Dance, talk to people, have fun! If you just stand there and do nothing, nothing will happen. I promise you!
  18. Don’t talk about how much money you make. It would not hurt to let people know you are successful, but don’t be cocky about it. Maybe the couple is poor, and the husband has a job making 35k a year. Then you come rolling in talking about how you just blew 35k playing craps in Vegas. You may make the husband feel bad, so he will not want to party, or he may be threatened.
  19. Don’t talk to the husband too much. Anyone that knows me knows I like to talk! A couple of times I have approached a couple hoping to hook up with the girl. I will find out that I have a lot in common with the husband, and we will get to talking about cars, or politics. Before I know it the wife is out dancing with someone else!
  20. Once again please, please shave your sack.
  21. No gold chains, or too much jewelry in general.
  22. Save the dirty talk for the bed room. It is a turn on to some women but a turn off to others. Why take a chance?
  23. If you observe a couple, and there seems to be some tension, stay away. Nothing good could come out to approaching them. Now if he gets pissed and leaves her at the club alone, well that’s another story!
  24. No means no.If you get the green light, by all means go for it. But if a couple seems disinterested, tell them it was nice meeting them and move on. No point of wasting your time with two hundred other couples and singles to talk to. It is hard to kick a reputation for being pushy.
  25. Finally, if you cannot get laid in a vanilla bar, you cannot get laid in a swinger’s club.Most of the time a vanilla club is an easier place for a single guy to get some. Swingers clubs are about having a unique experience, not easy pussy. If that what you are looking for, you just don’t get it, and no list is going to help you.

Guys these are just a few tips, I am sure there are hundreds more. If you invest some time in getting a good reputation in the Lifestyle, the word will spread, and you will have tons of fun. If you want a quickie, you are in the wrong place.

Addendum and Up Date.  2019

This was written many years before #MeToo and we became aware of how often women and men are sexually assaulted.  Yes – even IN the lifestyle.  Just because someone is in the lifestyle, please be aware of the following:

  1. They are not necessarily swingers. Have a conversation and get to know them before asking about their relationship status.
  2. The “Lifestyle” has many definitions – some just enjoy the sexy open-minded vibe. Ask before assuming.
  3. They are not there to have sex with just anyone who wants to have sex with them, that may include you.
  4. They might not be there for sex with anyone but their partner – don’t assume.
  5. Many women are into women – don’t take this as a challenge to change them. That is highly disrespectful.  Imagine gay men thinking your heterosexual preference was a challenge for them to “bring you over”?
  1. Never – I mean NEVER touch anyone without asking first.
  2. Accept a “No” graciously. Don’t ask “why not” or Twice.  YES and NO are complete sentences.
  3. Learn what “enthusiastic consent” looks, sounds and feels like. You need to know this today.

If you have anything to add to this list, please email and she will gladly update the list.


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