February 25th 2017 – The Gender Myth

We are learning and uncovering so much now about the IDEA of GENDER – How it inflicts a facade of rules and responsibilities… in addition to boundaries, ceilings and discrimination.  And how it has NOTHING to do with genitalia or sexuality.

Today I present this for my Dr. Nan’s “FOOD FOR MORE CONSCIOUS THOUGHT” Corner.

Let’s Begin with remembering the word/meaning of COMPASSION.

“If deeply considered and allowed to thrive, the idea that one’s body has nothing to do with gender … would not just have profound positive effects for trans people, but anyone who carries the weight of gender on their shoulders — i.e. everybody.
Think about the weight we place on this thing called gender.  What is the first thing you ask when a baby is born or you learn of a pregnancy?  What does it matter?  The identification of gender is a very intimate and personal inner feeling as well as outward expression – and one that is far more fluid than you might (wish to) imagine.
Here are a few terms that may help you:
     1,  Gender Identity:  How you see yourself
     2.  Gender Expression:  How you present to the outside world ie, dress, hair, mannerisms, etc.
     3.  Biological Sex – The Genitalia you are born with.
     5.  Gender:  Who you go to bed AS.
     6.  Sexual Orientation:  Who you go to be WITH.
     7.  Intersex:  Born with both male/female sex organs.
Our identity is self perception that is often in conflict with the perceptions others inflict upon us.  When you sit and ponder this, what does it really matter how others perceive us?  Why does their perception of our gender matter?  Well one idea is that we will be treated differently if we identify as a male or female.  Do we accept this?  Is this not the root of discrimination?  I love this topic because it really brings out the made up beliefs we have been taught about the genital=gender rules – these are MADE UP remember… there is no absolute truth as we are discovering more openly.

By the way, we didn’t just discover this.  Think back on your own childhood – the “Tomboy”, the “Fairy”, you knew in school… recall those terms?  Or the person you knew and were never sure if they were male of female?  Yet what we fail to recognize are thousands of others we’ve crossed paths with over our lifetime.  Those who were forced into suffering silently.  Hidden beneath the “culturally expected” attire of the male/female, all the while being treated for depression, social anxiety, attachment disorder, personality disorder, or worse, who ended their suffering through suicide.How many labels have been stuck onto those who were simply not allowed to live authentically?  My heart aches when imagining how many.  There are many cultures (Samoa, Mexico, India) where they actually have a third gender and it’s simply a natural part of society.

Now about the Public Bathrooms.  

Many people are so confused.  They have ignorantly and harmfully equated being transgender with being a pedophile, rapist, etc.  Seriously?  This couldn’t be farther from fact.  

The reality is, the trans people are already using their gender appropriate bathrooms and you just don’t know they’re in there!  Why?  Because they look just like you!  If we force people to use the bathroom solely based on their genitalia we are placing people in harm’s way.  Yes. Really.  We are subjecting them to persecution by all of the hate mongers out there who won’t hesitate to brutalize them.  It’s happening everyday – just not apparently it’s not newsworthy.  Yet, not one crime has been reported of a Trans-person creeping in the public bathrooms.  And yet there are plenty of reports of *sis-males (*born with male genitalia and identifies as male) hanging out in the boy’s bathroom to attack and violate little boys.  Or men stalking women in women’s bathrooms. Let’s be clear, these are CRIMINALS and PREDATORS, not trans-persons.

Our roles as Clinical Sexologists, Sex Educators, Physicians, Health Care Providers, Social Workers and frankly, Humanistic Humans, is to open our compassionate minds/hearts and educate ourselves about the variations of BEING a human.  We must stop persecuting others for simply being different from ourselves – after all – who says “we are the normal ones”?  Be aware, that could change next week.

A couple of great mind openers!

Katie Couric’s Gender Revolution – Find on National Geographic & Your TV Hosting Company.

Gavin’s Story:

Here is a beautiful explanation of GENDER!



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